![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
The word "to melt" in French is my favorite word in the WORLD
J'ai juste fini ma classe du dessin et mon dieu... la semaine dernier je suis été en colère après j’ai adressé une pétition à ma classe pour mon dessin être fini. J’expliqué : pour les trois semaines derniers, nous avons dessiné sur le même papier pour chaque dessin, un dessin dessus l’autre jusqu’à nous avons un dessin complète. Puis, nous pouvons adresser une pétition à la classe pour nos dessins finis. En effet, j’ai fait ça et la critique était trop ennuyeuse…mon dieu. Mais, aujourd’hui j’ai parlé avec mon prof. Et je sens meilleur…mais….je ne sais pas…je veux plus de cette class---rien d’avantage. Je pense qu’il y a des choses apprendre sauf je ne suis pas sûre si je ne peux pas les apprendre moi-même. Vous voyez ? C’est difficile…c’est une perte de temps.
I was going to translate this but I changed my mind. I often feel that in drawing classes I can grow stylistically because I don't have issues with proportion very often and even though I feel a shift in my style I'm not sure if it's a result of the dismembered repetition of my drawing class or something else. This semester I don't think I've ever felt so isolated from everyone else(not necessarily a bad thing). I feel like I'm drifting, not arbitrarily at all, but drifting none the less. I guess this is where all of my unease comes from--the fact that I'm going somewhere, most definitely, but I have no idea where. The idea that even in my control over how well I do in my classes or how well I preform at work I ultimately have no control over the bigger picture is unnerving. I use to feel like I at least had control over my art, but now I feel I'm allowing people, all kinds of people, to tell me what to draw and how to draw and what's good and what's not. Qu'est-ce que ça peut me faire? I keep asking myself that...what do I care? Why do I care? Is it important that I do? Am I an egoist? Should I be? I want to let myself slip out of this solidity--I want to slip away from this idea of the Self and existence. I want to step out of myself. I can do that when I paint, but then this process of critique and analyzing fleshes it out and it loses any meaning it had before. I don't want that concreteness. I want the feeling. Je veux fondre.
I was going to translate this but I changed my mind. I often feel that in drawing classes I can grow stylistically because I don't have issues with proportion very often and even though I feel a shift in my style I'm not sure if it's a result of the dismembered repetition of my drawing class or something else. This semester I don't think I've ever felt so isolated from everyone else(not necessarily a bad thing). I feel like I'm drifting, not arbitrarily at all, but drifting none the less. I guess this is where all of my unease comes from--the fact that I'm going somewhere, most definitely, but I have no idea where. The idea that even in my control over how well I do in my classes or how well I preform at work I ultimately have no control over the bigger picture is unnerving. I use to feel like I at least had control over my art, but now I feel I'm allowing people, all kinds of people, to tell me what to draw and how to draw and what's good and what's not. Qu'est-ce que ça peut me faire? I keep asking myself that...what do I care? Why do I care? Is it important that I do? Am I an egoist? Should I be? I want to let myself slip out of this solidity--I want to slip away from this idea of the Self and existence. I want to step out of myself. I can do that when I paint, but then this process of critique and analyzing fleshes it out and it loses any meaning it had before. I don't want that concreteness. I want the feeling. Je veux fondre.
Comments