Roi d'Étre et de Néant

After trying to get an appointment last week with an advisor for the Language Department and being told to email the new advisor and after doing so receiving no email, and upon asking today if there was a chance I could have an appointment for sometime this week being told flat out no without anyone even looking to see if there was room, I am thoroughly done with the language department.

( Why I want to hurt whoever told me this was an awesome French class )

Now, I've got a problem. My study abroad program and courses has been approved by the Art department and the SA office, but not foreign language. I wanted, since the deposit is non-refundable, to find out which French course would transfer over before I pre-register...all I needed...was for her to look at the courses and say ok! I'm on the border with this people...on the border. I finally find a beautiful program and FORL switches advisors(and I loved the old one...so helpful!)...I've got a feeling in my gut this woman will be difficult. Please....please no.

After talking to Dr. B and finding several programs in Paris in my price range(I was rather confused as to why I'd never found anything this cheap even though I've been searching for a year now! Reason: never looked at programs in Paris ~_~).

So, I happenedt to look in my Paris Abroad book and was reminded of the Institut Catholique de Paris(called the Catholic University Paris in English), so I looked at the website and realized I'd never gone to it before. Anyway, what I found was not only do they have a department for foreign students to take French classes(in addition to a number of culture classes which include art history(at least five different courses for intermediate level), film, literature, etc) and get college credit(of course they use the ECTS system, but that's not that big of a deal). The super-plus part of this is that there are a ton of organizations for international students to connect with French students at the university and to blog about their experiences. In addition, the placement exam is taken before you get there, so there is not as much confusion about what classes you may or may not be able to take (oral part is taken on site with a professor that helps you set up your schedule). Moreover, tuition for a semester is under $3000 and the only downside is finding your own housing--luckily someone passed on to me a great website for student lodging. This is a great option for me because they offer so many art history classes that won't result in me being behind, plus my mom is accepting of this because 1)I know Paris better 2) it's only a semester 3) tuition is less than we pay here. This would be a much better option than the English teaching program as I'd still be able to graduate early...mmmm, sounds like a plan(another one anyway, I have so many don't I?).

Going to the SA office Wednesday to see what they think, if it's a go with then I'm going to die of excitement.

Soon this dreaded semester will be finished! I'm so excited. Next week I have: my final oral presentation and last paper due in my political science class. After which I can focus on finals! Out of the seven classes I'm taking I have finals in four of them, which is rather bizarre. Even more bizarre is that these classes require rather passive test-studying. I never end up having to seriously study for a test to make an A. Bizarre... Soeaking of A's, I finally got an A on a oral presentation in my converstation class, YESSSS! I have made spoken-french-progress. Yes indeedy. I don't know how all of a sudden I'm indifferent about speaking in front of people now--this is great though.

However, I'm rather confused. Today I gave my exposé in my cinema class on the film Le goût des autres . In the article that we had to read, the critic mentions Freud's psychosexual theory because of the use of the word "goût" in the title. Since, in my opinion, the idea of "goût" (which means taste) in the context of the film really has a psychosocial sense I chose to use Erik Erikson's theory on the subject for my topic for my exposé. Granted I didn't bother going into great detail about his theory because, well, I knew no one would really care. Anyway, after explaining that the theory, in a nutshell, has to do with the idea that throughout our developement our interactions with others helps to shape/find our own sense of identity, I asked a rather simple question: "Do you think that the movie supports or refutes Erikson's theory?" Any the response, which I thought would be pretty good because it's a thought-provoking question? Cringing faces of confusion. Either I somehow developed horribly bad French grammar/pronunciation/something to make me incomprehensible, or this just went over everyone's head. Even my professor, when revising the question for everyone(which he usually does for each exposé) didn't really get what I was saying(granted he hardly ever hears what I say because, as he says : "je ne t'ai pas entendu, Charisse, encore mais plus fort" (or something like that). In the end, people settled on the idea that I was asking whether or not the identity of the characters was changed by their experiences. Not exactly what I was getting at but...who cares...it got them talking so mission accomplished!


In more intriguing news, I finally got an email about the modeling thing. Apparently there's something on Thursday from 8 to 5 I'm suppose to be participating in--WHAT!? Not only do I have my French class where I will be working with my group for my final presentation that day, but it's the last day of lecture for my art history class AND I have work in the art gallery. I was told that I'd be modeling for the May 3rd show, so I replied to the email to see if I'm actually needed Thursday by the girl who recruited me(I have no idea what her name was)...I hope not because I really don't want to miss my classes although I really want to participate. Wow, that sounds ridiculous, but it's true.

It's 2:12am and I can't sleep..again. I think to say I have insomnia would be stretching but, I have to admit, I do have difficulty getting to sleep at a decent hour.

I was thinking of watching one of the Jean-Luc Godard movies that I got from the media library, since last weekend I got two French movies(Zou zou and Le Mépris and actually watched them both! Both of them were good, but Le Mépris was definitely not my favorite Godard film--I much prefer Une femme est une femme and À bout de souffle. I'm such a Nouvelle Vague nut now, absolutely love old French flicks.

Zou zou was quite a bit older(made in the 1930s) starring Joséphine Baker who was obsolutely stunning in that film, by as an actress, singer, and just a beautiful woman. She's really inspiring.

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I've been in such a good mood since Paris, but things that happened this week have completely bummed me out. I'm not really sad, just disappointed and frustrated--more and more I found people to be really disapppointing: my group members haven't sent me their work; a guy from one of my classes completely weirded me out(I won't get into it); and something else happened that has me feeling both embarassed and disappointed, although I can't be really sad about it because it was such an amazing thing. I'm in a state on inbetweenness, I'm not sure how I feel...I'm just annoyed, though, that the people I've had to deal with had such a negative effect on me when I'd been so excited and happy about everything up until Tuesday. Now, even though it's all over, I can't shake this feeling. I'm just thinking way too much.

Today was so oddly interesting, really--I'm surprised and happy for it. :)

I woke up thinking that I hadn't done my French homework yet and found that I had finished it a week ago. We took our final listening comprehension test today and it went alright. Some words I didn't understand at all, but in general it wasn't too bad understanding what was said. I've noticed that I can understand French music pretty well now, or rather--I don't have to look up French lyrics for songs as much to understand what a song is about--unless it's a complex song. That's really great! Compare that to this time last year when listening AND speaking were my weakest skills. Now, the only thing I need to do is practice my speaking more--I've decided to speak/think entirely or mostly in French when I'm in my dorm or by myself. This really works.

I've also finally found, or decided on, a program that will get me to France without costing my parents anything and without even needing to involve them. It's the Assistantship program sponsored by the French government that pays American students/graduates to teach English to French students. It's really neat and costs only $35 to apply to, although there is a lot of paperwork involved and you have to apply a year in advance for placement, but it really can't hurt to apply. As I've heard, a lot of people get accepted and get placed where they want to if they apply early(first deadline is in November). I realized a while ago that it would be a really cool thing to do, considering at the rate I'm going I will be graduating early(or so I think, we'll see after I get my Art History degree plan). It never hurts to just apply and see how it goes. I talked to my French prof. about it and surprisingly she said it would likely be a good deal for me, I honestly thought she would say I was too timid to even consider it. I really like her, she's super nice. :) So I think I'll apply, if I get accepted groovy, if not I'll just do my final semester and then apply for the following year.

While I waited to talk to an advisor in hopes of clarifying my early-graduation prospects, I was asked to model for the upcoming fashion design show. I was really flattered, as this is the second time in less than a month that someone told me I should model. We'll see how it goes; girl can't say no to wearing gorgeous clothes for free. ;).

What else happened today...hmm. Oh! Got an email about my entrance exam so soon I will have that degree plan! It'll be nice to finally have it, I feel like I've been neglecting my art history major, by this time next year I'll be done with my French major so it's about time I get busy with this one.

Speaking of next year, I'm so excited for my classes. I've signed up for three art history course: African Art, Modernism, and Topics in Contemporary art. I've signed up for two French courses: advanced French grammar and advanced French literature III. My last class is Honors world literature(I'm thinking of taking my humanities course over the summer and just doing an honors contract instead of taking 18 hours). Looks like I'll have a full load again, but I think since it will be mostly classes for my majors it won't be so annoying. Fall semester is always my more interesting semester(course wise). Though I must say...this semester has been rather interesting and by the most amazing one I've had so far...for obvious reasons.

I've found recently that I really badly need to practice speaking French. My French conversation class is fine, but I need to speak it more frequently than twice a week--I need it everyday!

I think I'm just missing hearing everyone around me(except for the people who came with me) speaking French. It was great...I know I could have spoke more but I was extremely timid until Thursday and the "incident," which showed me that I can speak pretty well. I just wish there was a way to practice speaking here! I need to grab a classmate and make it mandatory that we speak to each other only in French...I need to find someone who's not timid though...hmmm.


I'm really excited about the scholarship ceremony next week. I have no idea what scholarship I got and the mystery is killing me! Hahah. I'm also excited because soon this semester will be over and each day I'm closer and closer to the summer and maybe even going back to France if my friend's offer still stands and I can get my finances in order. Let us cross our fingers. :)

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Recently in survey II we've been discussing orientalism and "otherness" in the sense of the depiction of non-european women in modern art(think Picasso and Matisse) and, equally, the depiction and treatment of women in art in general. The latter doesn't intrigue me as much as the former, mainly because the concept of "otherness" is a bit more of a daunting issue for me than femininity. Moreover, while pondering why Picasso and many of his contemporaries chose to pursue l'art negré or orientalism in their art, it made me think of why France enamores me so and why other things, more domestic things, do not.

I guess the intrigue comes also from the idea hinted on by L.Ferdinand Céline in "Voyage au bout de la Nuit," the idea of getting as far away from where one is in hopes of reaching some form of happiness, while at the same time having the--although pessimistic--realistic acknowledgement that wherever one goes, the "night" is inescapable(although, admittedly, that's not what I'm talking about, but how can one reference Nietzchan philosophy without mentioning Voyage?). It's that hopefulness and interest in what it is like to be something other than what one is and, I guess, trying to figure it out. I've always, albeit unconsciously, thought of my home, Houston, Texas, and, increasingly, the United States as a sort of void or blackhole which I can either escape or plummet into, either willingly or not. I believe this to be a leifmotiv between me and my siblings(or at least the two older ones), ongoing fear of the "void." Although we've never talked about it, I think it's the rapport we have between one another which binds us.

What does this have to do with "otherness? and France? Well, the "other" is that escape for me. The idea of seperation from what is normalcy here and, therefore, becoming the "other" but at the same time having the power to choose. By and by, in France I have that power. I'm different because I am American, and different in the U.S. because I am not like all Americans nor am I French or want to be--what I am is an individual who, perhaps imaginatively and marginally, has cultivated her own little space of existence. Unlike Picasso's Demoiselles or Matisse's falsified L'asie , I would have the power to choose my distinctiveness, more so than I've had that here--no one would be able to cover me with fake meaing, no one important, anyway. Freedom from the void. Yves Klein was trying to find it and I'm trying to get away from it, but of course in this context it has two meanings. Miraculously this ties back to Céline in the sense that one could say my "night" is the void and like Bardamu(the main character in the novel) I'm trying my hardest to find a way out. Let us hope that our results aren't connected also.

I don't think last week actually happened, maybe I was dreaming. No way that I was in Paris. I have pictures. I have euros. I have other things as proof, but I can't believe it. I wasn't there...je n'ai pas été.... I don't think people understand why that was so monumental, I don't think anyone can. It felt like all this time I've been missing my heart and I've known where to go but couldn't. Then, there. No more thoughts of disaster or sabotage, just there. What else? There's nothing but being, just being and it's overwhelming. I didn't think that a week could change me so much, but now I know Paris and other things have that kind of power. I've never felt so completely at home anywhere or with anyone in my life than when I was in France. I belong there and I will forever be grateful.

Ode à Cassandre

Pierre Ronsard

Mignonne, allons voir si la rose
Qui ce matin avait déclose
Sa robe de pourpre au soleil,
A point perdu cette vesprée
Les plis de sa robe pourprée,
Et son teint au vôtre pareil.

Las ! voyez comme en peu d'espace,
Mignonne, elle a dessus la place,
Las, las ses beautés laissé choir !
O vraiment marâtre nature,
Puisqu'une telle fleur ne dure
Que du matin jusques au soir !

Donc, si vous me croyez, mignonne,
Tandis que votre âge fleuronne
En sa plus verte nouveauté,
Cueillez, cueillez votre jeunesse :
Comme à cette fleur, la vieillesse
Fera ternir votre beauté.

so, my vacation in paris is almost over and I'm very sad. I wish I could travel around France, but I haven't the time. I've seen a lot of really cool stuff. I'm trying to decide if I'll go to Versailles tomorrow(I know I said I HAD to go) or the Louvre. I realized I'm not that interested in going to specific places...I like just walking around aimlessly until I find something interesting. Like today I walked along le quai de musee d'orsay and found the Grande Palais and then realized that the Goya exhibition I've been seeing signs about everywhere was at the Petit Palais. Sooo...I went in there, paid 4,50 euros and it was really cool. Then I walked from there to avenue de la motte piquette grenelle(close to my hotel), realized I'd gone the wrong way...took the metro two stops and went back to my hotel for a nap. Now I'm hanging out at a internet cafe off of st.germaine.

my first day was by far the most exciting, interesting, and fun day. It honestly made my trip worth-wild and made me realize that I need this place. I've never felt more at home anywhere else.
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HOLY CRAP! Did I mention I saw "the Fountain"? I freaking stood next to Duchamp's "Fountain"! I nearly passed out when I saw it and of course I took a picture next to it. Oh my goodness...I friggin' saw "the fountain."

My classes are ruining me...actually, I'm ruining myself because of my classes. Just now, I realized just how bad my "worrying" is--it's become a little irrational.

I was in my Ancient Roman Art class and my test was last week, I was under the impression(after the test) that I made a B or so...not too bad but enough to make me scold myself for not studying harder and for mixing up the Palace at Knossos with the Temple of Apollo(I knew I'd mixed them up when I did it...but I second guessed my second guess and didn't change it). As the week came and went, and I had my presentation in French conversation where, yet again, my prof. decided to give directions after I'd completed my presentation("don't read off the powerpoint, say something different than what's on there" well yes, but I think I could have avoided this if all my information wasn't on the powerpoint), my perception of my classes went from: "I have B's in my classes/on my work and this is horrible" to "I'm failing everything and I'm extremely stupid, I need to work harder!" So, I get my test back and made an A, surprisingly...but throughout the class I was on the brink of tears because of how bad I thought I'd done. I was shaking throughout the class and have never felt so sick in my life.

Even worse...I got a chance to talk to Dr. James Lawrence after class, whose lecture was superb, might I add(shame on those who chose not to attend), and was completely scatterbrained..I was so nervous that I couldn't get my head on straight(don't ask me why, because I don't even know why--I was nervous talking to my prof. after class). So, I kept trying to synthesize what he was saying but, honestly, his accent made me feel like I wasn't listening to what he was saying at.all.--although I got what he said completely. I keep telling myself I don't understand things that I do, questioning whether I'm smart enough to understand concepts or if I'm just feigning intelligence and will soon be figured out. I'm going to destroy myself with all this self-torture/critique/doubt...hmm, didn't he mention artists doing something similar? Critiquing their work continuously? I do the same thing with my work...

Speaking of the lecture and the idea of "mindless work," I've often thought of this when I think about wanting to do abstract work, conceptual work. How do I create art when I'm influenced by "Monochrome Blue," when if I produce something like that it will be lifeless? The idea behind it is alluring, almost more alluring than the piece itself, the idea of "Le Vide"(=void), something so inconceivable by man(I won't go into the philosophical ideas/concept behind this either, not in the mood for Sartre or nihilism right now) is profound...it pulls you in. How do you depict that? How do I depict ideas, thoughts? How do I depict this untouchable things in my head? How do I explain the meaning they hold even when inaudible? How do I do this without the clichés...? How do you investigate ideas that have already been investigated by amazing, innovative artists--fearless artists-- while at the same time not "copying" their ideas and being innovative yourself? I feel like everything has been done...it's very difficult to think of something new that isn't just another Mondrian or wannabe Duchamp, or more impressionist-influenced dribble...it almost seems like a cop-out.

I watched Camille Claudel today in my French film class and I must say it didn't do much for helping overcome this feeling I have or answer the questions I have about art. I know, it's a movie about love more than art, but it's still moving. It's worrying to think of the uncertainty of things..how people were so willing before now and are now so afraid. Reminds me of "Franny and Zooey" by J.D. Salinger and the question of what is success? Is success only measured by societel ideals or can it be measured by the individual without it being "an excuse" for not meeting expectations?

why can't art have meaning in non-existance? This sounds like a stupid question, but I think what I'm asking is a little deeper than what one might think--it's more of a personal question..and I really can't explain.

I'm really trying not to write a lot of "teeny-bopper" angst(I, personally, don't see it as 'teen angst,' and I've come to hate the word, but since that's what everyone characterizes it as...), I've instead been writing such things on my French blog , or at least trying to, but...what takes me 30 minutes to write in English takes me an hour or longer in French. Right now French distresses me more than anything...

It's 1:20 in the morning and I can't sleep. It's because I drank a cup of coffee at 8pm because I was so tired. Now I've got the complete opposite happening...interesting how these things happen. I do, however, prefer not being able to sleep than being tired when I should be awake.

I'm really struggling to get back into the rhythm of things, I'm having such a hard time. I keep fantasizing about things that aren't happening and pushing the reality of things out of the way--it's not a very good system, but it really does lighten the load of things. I have a feeling, though, that this is the week that I get it together. I'm trying to calm myself, as I got grades back in two classes that were low B's. I'm trying to reassure myself that it's ok to start alright so long as I finish strong. I'm trying mellow out, which is hard or me because I'm use to leaning to one extreme or the other. I WILL SURVIVE!

I took the entrance exam Friday and it was really an eye-opener. I feel like my writing abilities have diminished greatly, I'm not the least bit satisfied with my performance...It's funny how I want both to be challenged and to be told bluntly if I've got it or not, but at the same time I know my feelings will be hurt if someone obliges me, but that's how everyone is, aren't they?

I think my current state of mind is due to the fact that Paris is in...five weeks? I'm overly excited and nervous--I'm anticipating both the most amazing and the most crippling experience. I want it all, every ounce of it. I want every single moment of life nowadays, those little tiny things that people take for granted, those little heartbreaks and little breakthroughs--everything.

I've been watching movies like Charade and Jeux d'enfants and they just get me wanting something new. The one thing that eludes me...

So, the past two weeks have been very hectic or rather, very busy. The semester started with a few hardships--I hadn't been working for a month, so I had no money at all! Honestly, I didn't realize I'd be so strained as a result of this, but thankfully I'll be alright by the end of the week----

I'm taking 19 hours and at this point I feel rather stuck with it. I try to analyze exactly how I feel about the number of hours I'm taking before it's waaay too late for me to drop. *sigh* The problem is I have a lot of classes that are once a week and long, so it's hard to gage how they're affecting me.

I found out today, after seeing my adviser, that there are three classes that will no longer be required in the 2008/2009 catalog for CAS majors: wellness, literature, and communications. I have to say, I was really happy to hear that. Also, if I get my total gpa up to 3.8(I'm less than a point away now) and keep it there until I graduate I will be magnum cum laude--ah, just like in high school, only know it would matter. :)

Exciting stuff--
So far, I have two presentations next week, a test, and my "problem" due for survey II. Oh and I found out yesterday that the art history entrance exam is Friday. I'm happy it's nothing to study for....because I've got so many other things to do already.

I just took a glance at my grades and was rather surprised. Although it has been bugging me since Tuesday, when I took my only final in art appreciation, I've managed, for the past week, not to think about it. I figured that I would make three A's and two B's, which would be enough to bring up my GPA. So, I was rather surprised to find that I'd made a 4.0 for this semester. I didn't really expect to get A's in all my classes, for some reason, although I worked hard in all of them. Now I can apply for more scholarships!

Sylvie Vartan is amazing. I love this song.

In other news, I'm back in good old Houston and now I'm just hanging out. I'll get tired of this soon, I think--but for now I'm enjoying it.

Wow, this semester is almost done, which is great. Next semester: 19hrs of classes, 16hrs of work, 1 week of Paris, applying for internships and scholarships, and...new art! I've found a concept or purpose for my art, it's very self-relevant and I'm very excited about exploring new mediums in a way to find what I'm looking for.

so, now I just need to finish this blasted paper!

J'ai juste fini ma classe du dessin et mon dieu... la semaine dernier je suis été en colère après j’ai adressé une pétition à ma classe pour mon dessin être fini. J’expliqué : pour les trois semaines derniers, nous avons dessiné sur le même papier pour chaque dessin, un dessin dessus l’autre jusqu’à nous avons un dessin complète. Puis, nous pouvons adresser une pétition à la classe pour nos dessins finis. En effet, j’ai fait ça et la critique était trop ennuyeuse…mon dieu. Mais, aujourd’hui j’ai parlé avec mon prof. Et je sens meilleur…mais….je ne sais pas…je veux plus de cette class---rien d’avantage. Je pense qu’il y a des choses apprendre sauf je ne suis pas sûre si je ne peux pas les apprendre moi-même. Vous voyez ? C’est difficile…c’est une perte de temps.

I was going to translate this but I changed my mind. I often feel that in drawing classes I can grow stylistically because I don't have issues with proportion very often and even though I feel a shift in my style I'm not sure if it's a result of the dismembered repetition of my drawing class or something else. This semester I don't think I've ever felt so isolated from everyone else(not necessarily a bad thing). I feel like I'm drifting, not arbitrarily at all, but drifting none the less. I guess this is where all of my unease comes from--the fact that I'm going somewhere, most definitely, but I have no idea where. The idea that even in my control over how well I do in my classes or how well I preform at work I ultimately have no control over the bigger picture is unnerving. I use to feel like I at least had control over my art, but now I feel I'm allowing people, all kinds of people, to tell me what to draw and how to draw and what's good and what's not. Qu'est-ce que ça peut me faire? I keep asking myself that...what do I care? Why do I care? Is it important that I do? Am I an egoist? Should I be? I want to let myself slip out of this solidity--I want to slip away from this idea of the Self and existence. I want to step out of myself. I can do that when I paint, but then this process of critique and analyzing fleshes it out and it loses any meaning it had before. I don't want that concreteness. I want the feeling. Je veux fondre.

I saw Roméo et Juliette performed by the UNT Opera Singers last night and it was superb. Anyone who hasn't seen an opera here or elsewhere should definitely go see it. I love Gounod's rendition of the story: it's witty, fun, passionate and saddening all at the same time. The singers were amazing. I recently started appreciating opera a few years ago, but I had no idea that there was such a huge difference in being there and in just listening to it on the radio. Their voices literally shake you from the inside out. Now I know why some people are so adamant about going to concerts--there's no substitute.

This was actually the second production I've seen by the UNT music department. The first was Le Roi Danse, an adaptation of the music used in the film by the same name that chronicled the life of the Italian composer Jean-Baptiste Lully, who is credited for having brought opera to France during the rule of Louis XVI. That production was wonderful also, as it incorporated opera, dance and orchestra all into one piece. I really need to buy the movie.

This is my favorite song from the opera and the lyrics are so beautiful. That's one thing that makes operas so amazing, the fact that not only do is the singing amazing, but the words--what they are saying--are just as lovely.


Non! non! je ne veux pas t'écouter plus longtemps!
Laisse mon âme à son printemps!

Ah!
Je veux vivre
Dans ce rêve qui m'enivre;
Ce jour encore,
Douce flamme,
Je te garde dans mon âme
Comme un trésor!

Je veux vivre
Dans ce rêve qui m'enivre;
Ce jour encore,
Douce flamme,
Je te garde dans mon âme
Comme un trésor!

Cette ivresse
De jeunesse
Ne dure, hélas! qu'un jour!
Puis vient l'heure
Où l'on pleure,
Le cœur cède à l'amour,
Et le bonheur fuit sans retour.

Je veux vivre,
Dans ce rêve qui m'enivre;
Ce jour encore
Je te garde dans mon âme
Comme un trésor!

Loin de l'hiver morose
Laisse-moi sommeiller
Et respirer la rose
Avant de l'effeuiller.
Ah!
Douce flamme,
Reste dans mon âme
Comme un doux trésor
Longtemps encore!

Doing my honors contract(or rather, the paper that I'm writing for it, but I'll just refer to it as the honors contract) has really made me happy/content. This past week was really great in regard to classes. I've finally got myself back into the mode of doing everything that needs to be done to the best of my ability. I've noticed I start the semester really strong and then as it wanes I lose interest and dedication--I can't let that happen. So, I've restored my A in my lit class, as far as I know. I've got one more test in that class and one more oral presentation that I will do thursday. Tuesday I am turning in my first draft for my honors contract so I can get it back thursday, so I can fix it and then I'll be able to turn it in to the Honors college.

I completely missed the mark when it comes to my cognitive paper for honors human development. Fortunately, my prof. is letting everyone redo it and incorporate it into the social/moral development paper we have due on the 26th. I want to have the cognitive part fixed by the end of the week so I can spend the rest of this month working on the social/moral development part, since this paper will be worth 60 percent of my grade.

I'm really excited about the Paris trip. I've talked to my friends in France and I will hopefully get to see them when I go. It's nearly been a year since I last saw them!

This week is going by slowly.

I've finally gotten to a point with my honors contract that I can start writing, which is very scary in a way. I feel so weary when it comes to French, I've been making so many mistakes lately--I think it's the fault of my spell checker! Haha, no, it's just I haven't been paying attention. Now I will definitely need to. After getting all my assignments back from last week I'm a bit disappointed in myself for letting myself slip.

I signed up for Spring classes Sunday and I'm feeling pretty good about it. It's 19hrs and I'd really like to be able to do it without feeling overwhelmed. I think the busier I am the easier it is for me to stay focused-even now I've got a somewhat filled schedule and I feel like I've got too much time on my hands. *sigh* never satisfied...

I am half doing my homework now. I'm at the very last line of each, but now I'm stuck.

I submitted my registration form and deposit today for the the Paris trip for Spring Break, so I'm all set. I'm really excited because I'll get to see my friend, maybe she'll show me around since I think we're free to see everything on our own or something. It's going to be fun, I'm sure at the end of the week I won't want to leave.

I went, for thirty minutes and only because I had accidently said I would attend, to a women's self-defense program that one of the RAs was sponsoring. Very lame because the guy teaching us decided to pick on me for the thirty minutes I was there. He even said, because I wasn't making random comments like everyone else, that I probably walked around with my head down and not making eye contact with anyone. Am I wrong to find that a bit offensive? Perhaps if he knew that I didn't want to be there in the first place he wouldn't have made that assumption. Either way, I left soon after.

I've got a test Wednesday, mid-term on Thursday, and portfolio critique next week for Figure Drawing. Everything is a bit spread out, I don't feel overwhelmed at all.

"Sous le pont Mirabeau coule la Seine
Et nos amours
Faut-il qu'il m'en souvienne
La joie venait toujours après la peine

Vienne la nuit sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont je demeure

Les mains dans les mains restons face à face
Tandis que sous
Le pont de nos bras passe
Des éternels regards l'onde si lasse

Vienne la nuit sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont je demeure

L'amour s'en va comme cette eau courante
L'amour s'en va
Comme la vie est lente
Et comme l'Espérance est violente

Vienne la nuit sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont je demeure

Passent les jours et passent les semaines
Ni temps passé
Ni les amours reviennent
Sous le pont Mirabeau coule la Seine

Vienne la nuit sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont je demeure"

I really love this poem. We're currently analyzing it in my french class. All this poetry really makes me want to do my honors contract on french poetry instead of Céline. I really need to work on that--I'll decide later.